From the daily archives: "Saturday, December 25, 2010"

This year has been a hard year for us with holidays. We haven’t been able to do as much as we normally would. It’s been nice to not be running around here there and everywhere, but the build-up of the season hasn’t been there. I’ve found myself just wanting to get through this – not so much enjoy it but just make it through the craziness and get back to peaceful days and less crazy days. To just be rested and less stressed, especially since that’s what babE G needs from me most.

This afternoon I traded in going to see a movie to be able to go to church for our Christmas Eve Service. It’s something I just needed today. I needed hugs from friends, and knowing that they’re still there. And I needed to just be at church again, in that building signing and refocusing.

Each year we have a theme for the evening, it’s not a usual service with a sermon, it’s a celebration of what the season, and what Christmas Day really is about. It’s about resetting our hearts and focusing on the real reason we celebrate. This year K outdid herself in planning and executing the theme of ‘Hope’. Funny how God talks to you through other people and knows exactly what you need to hear to bring focus back.

A very talented young woman sang a song that brought me to tears – it hit home this year, and that made me sad to realize that this song was saying the things that I couldn’t. I have lost some of my hope. In grieving the loss of an easy pregnancy, the pregnancy that we thought we would have I let go of some of my hope. The last weeks have been hard with new complications and the possibility that it’s not just my issues, but that babE G may have some issues of his own. The fact that it might be something more than just my issue. Just another hurdle in this journey.

Hope is a candle, and even though the flame may flicker, the flame goes through a lot and still burns on. The last 5 weeks have been a test on the flame of our hope. And I’m really sad to say that I let it flicker a lot, but I’m going to stop that now. I’m taking back my hope, and protecting it.

We were given the gift of hope on Christmas. Jesus came to the earth as our hope. Hope for his nation of Israel, hope for his disciples, and hope for all mankind.  The world woke to a new life on Christmas morning, not just that Jesus had been born, but that we could be reborn in his love, his hope, and live in his hope.

Tonight I’m sending my prayers and thoughts out to all the bedrest moms that I’ve met that have let their hope go. I wish I could have taken all of you with me tonight. I know some of you are in hospital this Christmas, and not able to be with your families. I know how much your heart hurts, and how much you just want this time to pass quickly. I hope that this song may bring some hope back into your life. And know that I’m here praying for you and your little ones, and I’ll be hoping for you when you can’t. We’ll do this together.

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