From the daily archives: "Sunday, December 25, 2011"
A year ago I sat at our Christmas Eve service at church. I sat the entire service, not standing to sing, just sitting. Brian let me trade in going to see a movie for going to church for the Christmas service. Last year I had lost all my hope. We has been blindsided with so many things and I had given up hope and was just dwelling on getting through each day, not even dreaming of what my son would be when we was older, or dreaming of days with him. We were in limbo waiting to see if Gray had some medical issues himself instead of just my issues. But the message last Christmas brought back my hope

This year we went to service as a family. I held my son in my arms and shared with him the tradition of church on Christmas Eve. And then Kathryn took the stage, the first time in a while since she’s been battling some vocal issues this year. It was amazing to see her back up on stage, and I was so excited for Gray to hear Auntie Kathryn sing. And sing she did, a song that brought me to tears as I held my son. 

This song is stuck in my head. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Especially this part:

I am not brave, I’ll never be, the only thing my heart can offer is a vacancy
I’m just a girl, nothing more, but I am willing I am yours.

I’m not sure what it means, the fact that I can’t get this out of my head. But I’m sure the next few days will pull out the meaning. Funny how a song can do this to you.

I’ll keep you updated.

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I am a bit of a stickler for tradition. Traditions are what make the holidays special, at least to me. Making shortbread with my mom and sister the way we used to with my Grandmother. Tree day with Brian and his mom. Traditions are what make the holidays magical.
One tradition that I pray will go on forever is Christmas Eve service at church. And the one part of service that I remember from every year as a child is singing the 12 days of Christmas. The Jesus version. 
On the twelfth day of Christmas, Jesus gave to me…
Eternity to praise,
a Thousand Tongues to sing,
Streets of pure gold, 
Mansions above, 
a Robe and a Crown,
a Body glorified,
Power from on high,
Joy for my soul, 
Love for all men,
Peace in my heart, 
Everlasting life
and 
Salvation…full and free.
Grayson enjoyed his first year of Pastor Steve leading the church in this song.
Traditions make the holidays more special, and I’m so thankful for old ones that continue one.

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