During the waiting we had last Sunday night I had a great conversation with my Gramma about church and our journey to finding our new home church. And during that something finally clicked.

Brian and I attended the church I grew up in and for a while we really loved it, but after a bit we came to see another side of it. It wasn’t the church I grew up in, and I was holding on to the church as it was 15 years ago. But it’s strayed far from that.

I think Brian and I were ignoring God for quite a bit. We were ignoring him telling us that we weren’t meant to be there anymore. And it clicked during this conversation – How can I be real with God when I can’t be real in his house? There was such a sense of perfection; if you weren’t perfect then fake it! And it had lost its depth. The conversations between services weren’t about God’s message it was about who was having coffee or what church sports team was in the finals.

When I went public with the fact that I had Postpartum Depression people either ignored me or they would ask me how I was in the I’m just asking to be nice tone. At a moment when I really needed my community they abandoned me.

After fighting it for so long we finally realized that we needed to find a home, because the spot we thought was home wasn’t any longer. We needed to find a spot where we could be real, so that we could be real with God.

When we left our church we knew that we would be leaving friendships behind. People were too selfish to take time to have a relationship anymore. (it took almost a year for some people to realize we had even left). The amazing thing is that since finding our new home at Easter I have made such great friends who take the time to pick up the phone and see how I am if I wasn’t at church of playgroup that week. Girls who make time to have a coffee date with me when I’m having a rough week, or just to come over when Brian’s out of town and keep me company for an evening. I’m so thankful to friends who are real with me and who want to know the real me.

And I’m so thankful for my blogging friends who were there for me in the inbetween. Who had chats with me and kept me connected when I had just said good bye to lifelong friendships. And to great things like #shereadstruth, who got me back to my God. That helped my heart heal and remind me how amazing the love of God is and how much his love can heal me.

It’s been a long year, but I am so thankful for the journey, no matter how painful. It has taught me what is important, and being in a place where I can be real is more important than being in a place where I’m comfortable.

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8 Responses to Being Real: A journey over the last year

  1. Thanks so much for sharing, I am glad you have found community and a 'home church' who loves you as you are and who care for you like our father in heaven would want them to as brother's and sister's in Him.

    I have to say my husband Ryan and I went through a similar journey and it took us about 2 years and 3-4 church to find our 'home church' thankfully now we have and it has been the biggest blessing. a true answer to prayer. It's all in His perfect time!

    • babeblessings says:

      Christina,
      I'm glad you and Ryan have found a home church, it's not an easy journey. It is one of the biggest blessings God gives us is community and support from His children.

      blessings Girl!
      Jac

  2. Jennifer says:

    You know my thoughts and opinions on this. But I have to tell you for all the world to see how very BRAVE you are for saying it like it is. Your experience is YOUR experience. Its sad that you've gone through this, the CHURCH is supposed to serve people, especially those in need, and not judge. Only God gets to judge.

    It makes my heart happy to hear that you've found a new home. And found people to support, encourage and lift you up. I just wish those in our mutual past could learn THAT lesson and get off their high horses!.

    Love you girl!

  3. Jill says:

    So thankful you have found a home! I experienced feelings of abandonment related to church relationships and am only now, at age 45 and I'm not sure how many churches, able to begin trusting and feeling "at home". I will be praying that you continue to feel known in this new place and please know that your story is valuable!

  4. Kristyn LaPres says:

    I'm sorry you are feeling so let down by those you really cared about all your life. I know the feelings you're feeling and I see the things you see as well. My nana and papa realized the church was that way a long time ago and that's when they stopped going. They have yet to receive a phone call from anyone about not seeing them there. You made the right choice to separate yourself from the facade there and really search for your self elsewhere. I wish you the absolute best in the healing process and please know that I am 100% here for you and could talk about this for hours if you ever feel the need to chat or vent! And congratulations on that belly bump! How exciting!

    • babeblessings says:

      Kristyn,

      Your words mean so much! Thank you for being you and for being there! And I hope to come to MI to visit a new blogging friend once spring and babE2 are here so I will plan a visit – you both live in the same town!

      blessings girl!
      Jac

  5. jenn says:

    Jac, I've been there… I so get it. I don't know if you now our story fully or not, but I've been there. Now I get today too 😉 Love ya g/f! Msg tomorrow. I'm in school.

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