A few weeks ago I talked about Faith and the little voice. The voice of doubt in the back of our minds that undermines the faith we have in our husbands. Well today I’m going to talk about that a bit more.
The past few months, especially the last week I have had to put so much more faith in Brian caring for Grayson than I have ever had to. Let me preface this. I trust Brian beyond a doubt with Grayson, always have always will! The hard part of this whole situation comes because I have been main caregiver for what feels like forever now, and Brian may not always recognize Gray’s cues or understand the importance of a certain thing. And with how sudden we’ve been put into the situation we’re in right now, I feel like I haven’t had as much time to prepare Brian and myself for this.
Right now I’m lying in a hospital bed with my only job being to keep Rory cooking as long as possible. This means that even more than before Brian is #1 when it comes to taking care of Gray. I’m literally not able to do anything, other than trying to talk G out of what he might want to get into. Have you tried to talk to a 2 year old who really wants to run out into the hall? Yea doesn’t always work.
Part of the reason that it’s so hard for me right now is that although Brian and I make all big decisions when it comes to parenting together, there are some smaller things that Brian’s just diverted to me. And after almost 2 years I’m pretty used to things, where as Brian may not realize the little things.
So right now I am working on building that faith in my husband in the little things. Not worrying about what Gray’s getting for dinner every night, and trusting that Brian understands that pasta or chicken fingers every night isn’t the most balanced diet. Trusting that if Gray’s not behaving like the little gentleman I’ve raised thus far, that we’re still reinforcing manners and proper behaviour. And trusting that he’s getting enough snuggles from Brian to count for both of us.
The little voice has been my enemy for a while, and I’ve been working on squashing it for a while too. That voice that says Brian do you really think you can do this? Or Brian I have no idea how you’re going to pull this off? But what is that doing to my marriage? It’s undermining the faith I have in Brian to be able to do the little things. And if I’m undermining the little things, how am I supposed to trust him in the big things.
As one of my good friends Hannah commented on our first post – practice makes perfect in marriage… if I am practicing that discontentment, not trusting, muttering little disrespectful things in my head; that is what I am going to become good at. However, if I am choosing to practice trust and believing the best, etc. it will start to come more naturally. It’s so true. We have to become good at trusting our husbands, even if it’s the smallest things.
At this moment if Brian were to walk in my room and say we’re moving half way across the world and we have 3 months to pack, well other than the fact that I’m in the hospital, I’m not sure my reaction would be very good – why because I’ve been practicing that discontentment and letting the voice affect my thought and trust in him. Should that be my reaction? Heck no!! So what do I do now?
Well I start to battle that voice. And to be honest I have the perfect opportunity to do that. Every time I wonder how G’s doing and what Brian’s doing, I stop myself and remind my self that Brian is the most amazing Dad and Gray is just fine. When I skype with them during dinner and it’s a meal I wouldn’t usually make, well guess what, at least he’s eating and for the most part it’s healthy. So I stop myself from commenting and realize that Brian is doing the best he can in the situation, and Gray is growing and thriving. And when Gray and Brian come to visit me and I see Brian’s eyes light up I’m reminded that there is nothing Brian wouldn’t do to give Gray the best life possible, and nothing he would do to jeopardize his health or safety.
Right now it’s about stopping those thoughts and muting that little voice, and I know after some practice it will become second nature and I’ll get really good at it.
What are your thoughts? Any tips on quieting that little voice? What is your trick? Let us know that you’re joining us this week for Godly Wife so we can keep you in our prayers.
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Sidenote – Gray’s 2nd Birthday party is this coming Saturday, and I am obviously not going to be doing much of anything to help prep for it. I did make the invites and send them out, but other than that I’m not able to do much of anything. Well Brian has decided to make a cake for G, Elmo and all! Brian loves to cook, but I have never seen him ice a cake (other than my 25th birthday and that was just a disaster – it was a mousse icing – enough said) so to say I’m apprehensive about the outcome of this cake is an understatement. Well until I readjust my thinking. So I’m trusting that Brian will be able to pull off a tobogganing party with 7 children, plus pizza lunch, and cake after. I’ll update you next week on how it goes. Brian has already started to prep for the cake, and wont really tell me much about it at all.