From the monthly archives: "February 2013"

 

First I want to thank everyone for you messages and notes, whether it be on here or through Facebook and Twitter or Instagram. I haven’t had a chance to respond to all of them, but I have read all of them. Thank you so much for your kind words.

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Today the mommy guilt is killing me. I’ve had one job for the last 8 months: grow Rory. Get that baby girl as big as I possibly can, and get full term. Well that didn’t happen. I’m a preemie mom, and I guess that’s all I’ll ever know. But today we found out that the issue we were having with Rory’s kidney is going to require her to go under general anesthesia and be intubated in order to hopefully correct the issue. The moment the neonatologist said that the damn inside me broke and I haven’t been able to get out from under the weight of the guilt. Not only could I not make it full term, but now my 4 lb little girl needs surgery.

Today has been a day of just taking deep breath after deep breath to keep things calm.

I think it was perfect timing that I picked up You’re Already Amazing by Holley Gerth this morning to read while I’m pumping. I think I needed to read Holley’s words this morning to prepare me for the news today. I needed to know that it’s our brokenness that allows God to seep through and allow others to see him in us. How amazing is that thought!?!

I’m still emotional and feel the weight of the guilt on  my shoulders , but when it starts to overcome me I remind myself that I don’t have to be perfect, that it isn’t my fault, that I grew Rory to the best of my ability, and that God has his hand on the situation and he is in control.

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Daddy holding Rory Brian got to hold Rory for the first time today. I’ve had a few snuggles with her if they needed to change her bedding, or if they needed to rearrange things, but this was the first big snuggle with her out of her bed and out from under the phototherapy lights.

I’m moved in to the Ronald McDonald house just across the street from the hospital. I feel so blessed to be able to stay so close to Rory and not have to make the hour+ drive twice a day. They have worked really hard to make you feel at home here. They even served meatloaf and mashed potatoes for dinner tonight.

Back to the hospital I go to see my Rory girl. Maybe I’ll get to change her bum again and maybe just maybe I’ll get another hug from her.

We don’t have internet access at the hospital, so if you’ve emailed me or messaged me and I haven’t gotten back to you please know that I will, it will just take a bit. I’m spending as much time with Rory as I can.

Thank you for all your prayers and positive thoughts. We appreciate every one of them.

You may have noticed that things have been really quiet around here the last few weeks. We’ve had an eventful few months with miss Rory and the last week and a bit we decided that we needed to be just us for the time being.

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Aurora arrived on Saturday February 23rd, at 11:57pm. She’s a few days old now and she’s doing great! She’s been off breathing support for over 12 hours and holding her own. She’s tiny! Grayson was a big preemie weighing almost 2lbs more than the average baby born that early. Rory isn’t that big, but she is about half a pound bigger than the average. She’s a tiny 4lb 12oz little girl.

I’m recovering well from my c-section. Goodness I have been through surgery before but this was the hardest recovery by far. I do think that being stuck in bed for so long made the desire to be up and moving that much stronger after and has definitely helped me be up and walking more than I thought I would.

I’m going home tonight for the night to see my little man. I’ve only seen him once since I was readmitted on the 15th. It’s been a long few days since then! Then tomorrow I’ll be back and staying here at the Ronald McDonald house so I can be here for Rory as much as possible.

I’ll try and post more details later this week, but we wanted to let you know why we’ve been quiet the last bit.

Thank you for all your prayers these past months, and the prayers that will continue. We’re starting a new part of our journey now.

Here we are again at the end of another month. I have been so blessed by Erin, Nadine and Christina. Make sure you check out their posts from this month. You can find all of them over on the Godly Wife Page.

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Yes, last week’s post didn’t go up. I’ll hopefully be able to get it up later today or tomorrow. And I’ll explain why it’s been so so quiet this past week and a bit.

 

This month has really opened my eyes to ways I can honor Brian that I hadn’t been. Christina wrote this great post about having to always be right. I love the jersey analogy – what jersey are we wearing? Are we looking for the win, or are we honouring our spouse?

These past weeks I’ve really been working on my words about Brian to others. Using words that describe his character and integrity in a good light and not highlighting the little things that he might that I don’t appreciate. I want to be sure that the world is seeing Brian and his great qualities, and not seeing the amplification of some of his faults.

I’m also being conscious of my actions. I don’t want people to question Brian’s character by my actions. I don’t want my choice in clothes to reflect poorly on Brian, or how I treat people. Sometimes the smallest things can make a big difference.

So what did you work on this month? Was there something specific God revealed to you? I would love to hear about it! Link up below and tell us about your February and how Honor has impacted it.



A big thank you to Erin, Nadine and Christina for co-hosting with me. You have all inspired me in so many ways.

I’m excited for next week when Virginia from Geeky and Sassy is going to join me and we’re going to talk about obedience and some other things.

And be sure to pop back tomorrow to hear about what’s been going on this past week and a half. Brian and I have big news to share with you all.

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I think this is one of the biggest struggles we as wives can have with honor. Our words have such strength and we as wives hold such a place of authority when it comes to our husbands. Not authority over our husbands, but to the world we are experts on our husbands. When my mother in law needs ideas for Brian’s birthday or Christmas, who does she call; me. So If I’m the expert on everything that is Brian and I’m not watching my words, what impression am I giving the world as to who Brian really is? Am I honoring him with the words I use to describe him?

I’ve already mentioned the crabfests that we as women sometimes get caught in. This is one thing I’ve tried to keep myself away from, not just not taking part in them, but also not even allowing myself to get into a situation where they are common. Sometimes unintentionally, like my new stylist, I didn’t purposely choose a male stylist, but that’s who I see now, and guess what it’s not a crabfest like it has been in the past, in fact we talk more about business than anything else. I’ve been really purposeful who I have coffee dates with and who I’m spending my time with. Since I’ve made a conscious effort at limiting the crabbing, I’ve notice that the women I’m hanging out with are such a great example of supportive wives. Yes we all have our days, but I love the group of women I have around me and the level of respect we all have for our husbands.

Now the other side of things, not just my words about Brian but my words and language with Brian.

Am I stopping to really listen when he’s talking? Do I watch the tone I use when we’re talking? What does my body language say?

There have been times in the past, and I’m sure there will be again, that Brian will mention something with the intention and motive that maybe I just hadn’t noticed it yet, (like the fact that G put finger prints all over the patio doors again) and my tone or body language when responding to him is hostile, or taking offence because I feel like I’m being criticized. But really, Brian’s just mentioning it because he knows I’ve been busy and might not have noticed, and we have company on the weekend and he doesn’t want it to be a scramble two minutes before they walk in the door.

Was my tone or body language warranted? Heck no! But was I really listening to what he was saying and why he was saying it? Nope. Flip side – did Brian mention it when I’m elbow deep in dinner prep, maybe. Best time to mention it, maybe not.

We have a choice in our reactions and our responses. We can choose to snap and react negatively or with a tone that might make our husbands feel insignificant, or we can choose to thank them for the reminder and react with a positive attitude.

Our words have such strength. To the world we’re an extension of our husband’s character. We’re also an example to our children of how they should treat their father. How I speak to Brian and how I react to him, or talk about him when he’s not around is shaping how they will see him and how they will treat him.

Right now living out this is hard. I’m so limited in how much I can do and what I can do to help Brian. When he asks if I’m able to do something for him, the answer is usually maybe because I never know how I’m going to feel. I try my best to do the little things to help him out. I haven’t cleaned my house in months, and that’s driving me crazy, but since I can stand for 5 minutes or so at a time, that means I can at least clean the washroom. I can’t scrub the tub, but I can do the counters and sink, and although it’s not an expectation I know he appreciates it. I’m also trying to keep my pregnant hormonal emotions in check as much as I can. The days when I’m frustrated over my limitations or my pain, it’s not his fault, and it’s not fair for me to take it out on him. Do I fail miserable some days, goodness yes! Thanks goodness Brian is so forgiving.

This week I’m going to work on the little things. Watching my tone, stopping what I’m doing and really listening, and making sure that my body language is in line.

Here’s is this month’s lock screen! Sorry it’s taken so long to get it to you all.

 

Feb Lock Screen

 

Back in the day my mom and I would curl up on the couch on Sunday nights and watch Touched by An Angel. Yes I know, years and years ago. One Sunday night, the 100th episode to be exact, was possibly the hardest episode for us to watch. It hit really close to home. There was a boy who was very sick with Cystic Fibrosis, and back then I still had scares on my arms from all the testing the doctors had done through the years because I had all the classic symptoms for CF. Doctor’s could never find any reason that I couldn’t gain weight, or my lung problems, not in combination. I can only imagine what my parent’s went through for years wondering if the test would come back with an answer, and an answer that at that point meant a daughter who would mean a shortened life.

When I was little I didn’t understand the tests. Usually we would just be going to see my dad at work (he worked at our local hospital for years), and I knew I hated the tests but I didn’t know what they were for. It wasn’t until that Sunday, those moments with my mom that I started to fully understand what all that meant.

Psalm 151 is a psalm that the mother of that little boy with CF wrote. It took years, but eventually she did finish it.

 


This song is the song I pray for Rory. The attitude that Rory has as she grows. I hope that Rory someday understands all the love she has received even before she was born. The amazing gift that she is the only grandchild who will never know what my dad looks like with his nose hose. That God has had his hand of protection on her life, and despite labor at 23 and 27 week, she’s still cooking at 30 weeks.

 

Aurora I love you so much, and I’ll spend every day singing this song for you until the day you can.

 

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When I was thinking of our focus for this month, and what honor really means in marriage, I could not get this verse out of my head.

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She does him good, and not harm.

 

To me this means honor. To me this doesn’t mean physical harm, but any harm. Harm to his reputation, harm to his faith, harm to his sense of self.

To honor is to regard with great respect. A synonym of honor is to revere. To revere someone is to feel deep respect or admiration for them. For me that’s what I feel for Brian. I guess the big question is do I show him that?

Have you ever heard the saying – What you do when no one is looking defines who you are – I feel like this applies to honor in so many ways. It’s not just how I honor and show Brian respect when he’s around, but how I do it when he’s not around. It’s the words I use when I speak about him to others. It’s the tone I use in reference to him. It’s how I act and how I dress with him and without him that honor him or dishonor him.

I have spent a lot of my time reading a lot of different things in the past bit, parenting books and blogs, lots of craft stuff, and a lot of marriage books. Well one of the parenting blogs I was reading suggesting coming up with a working definition of Honor for your house. Immediately I thought of how I can do this for not just my house and my kids, but also for honoring Brian.

I honor Brian in practical every day ways by:

–          Watching my words when I speak about him to others

–          Respecting our home that he works hard to provide – keeping it clean, making note of what needs to be fixed and doing it if I can, helping him fix those things I can’t.

–          By dressing appropriately when in public – being modest so I don’t draw unwanted attention

Watching my words: Have you ever noticed that sometime when you get together with your girlfriends it can become a crabfest about our husbands? I admit that in the past I’ve taken part, but in the last few years I’ve actually stopped hanging out with girls who seem to just want to degrade or complain about their husbands. But more than just girl time, but with everyone. What impression am I leaving my parents if all I do is use negative words to describe Brian or his actions? What about our neighbors? What about Brian’s co-workers and their spouses?

Respecting our home: I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but Brian loves a clean house. I think he’s most attracted to me when he comes home to a perfectly clean house! Lol. This is not a skill I came into our marriage with. So over the last 4+ years I have had to learn this skill, and I have, and now I’m almost to the point where a cluttered house bothers me almost as much as Brian. When we decided that I would stay home it was just an expectation that I would be responsible for the house and cleaning. Previously we split it up, or in the early years Brian would clean the house while I was out at the gym on Saturday mornings. Brian works hard to provide for our family, and that includes working hard to pay the mortgage. So one of the biggest things I can do for him is to show him honor and respect by respecting our home and keeping it clean and tidy. Is it possible to have a spotless house every day when he gets home? Not always – I do have a 2 year old running around (well a 19 month old before bedrest started), but Brian now sees that G can get toys from the toy box to the front door and all the way in between in 2 minutes flat. So I think he appreciates it a bit more. Do I do it every day, can I do it every day? Realistically – No. But I can make sure that the floor is swept and that the table has been wiped down after lunch and that dishes aren’t piling up in the kitchen. Because I know it’s important to him to come home to a clean home.

Dressing appropriately: This is one thing that I’ve really been convicted of especially since Grayson was born, and a bit before. Not that I dressed immodestly before Grayson was born, but I am very purposeful in my clothing choices since then. I’ve always asked Brian’s opinion of clothes before I bought them or before I wear them out because it’s important to me that he be proud of what I’m wearing. But what about when he’s not around? A friend and I were chatting this weekend about clothing, especially little girl clothing (we’re both having little girls this spring and we were going through baby girl clothes). We both agree on the clothing that our daughters will wear and that we as mom’s are the biggest influence on our daughter’s choices. And we both agreed that there are times when we’re out that we see women dressing in ways that we would prefer our daughters not look up to. Dressing modestly when Brian’s not around isn’t just about not gathering unwanted attention from other men, but also not having opinions of others reflect negatively on our husbands. The who married a girl that dresses like that? thoughts going through others heads. Is the way I’m dressing to run to Walmart on a hot summer day going to harm other’s thoughts of Brian? (this is such a big topic that one post can’t cover it all)

Three simple things that I can do almost instinctively on a daily basis have so much meaning behind them.

I created a free printable for you to download and write out your own working definition. 3 ways you can honor your husband in your everyday life. Make up your own definition of honor and how you can honor your husband. It can change as life changes. Erin and Nadine are honoring their future husbands in ways that will change once their married. So once they’re married I know that they’ll have to change their definition.

If you want share it with all of us. Leave it in the comments below.

Also let us know if you’re joining in this month. We’ll link up at the end of the month again, but let us know now so we can be praying for you all month long.

 

Pop over and  read what Erin and Nadine have to say about honoring their future husbands.

 

It’s February! The month of love according to card companies and candy makers, but here it’s the month of honor.

Feb co-hosts

To say I’m excited to introduce you to my co-hosts is an understatement! I think the lessons we have to learn this month are huge, but also such a huge blessing too. And I’m so excited for Erin and Nadine to share about honoring their future husband and Christina to talk about honor in her almost decade long marriage, and some of her struggles.

So here we are!

 

nadine 2 Nadine is a fellow Canadian girl, although we live on almost opposite sides of the country. This girl has my heart and I love her honesty and vulnerability on her blog.

About Nadine in her own words: I live with a great roommate in a lovely apartment. That means I’m single! Woot Woot! I work with kids and fill up as much of my free time (when I’m not blogging that is) with friends and family. I love community, and while my life isn’t necessarily what I want it to look like relationship wise, I have a lot of cool opportunities to live out family in different ways (having people over, being the free babysitter, and just simply offering space for people to be real).

The simplest way that Nadine honors her future husband: I pray for him. I could elaborate, but if the question is the simplest way, it’s to pray pray pray pray pray!

Her hopes for this month’s journey: I think my hope is that I will learn much from the women around me. I don’t know if my future husband will arrive in this life or if I will simply be a bride of Christ (which is incredible in itself every single time I dwell on that), but regardless, I want to live well and walk in whatever God calls me. All that to be said, I hope that myself and many other women look to Jesus for our honor, and that we live it out.

Find Nadine over on her blog A Secondary Heartbeat, follow her on Twitter too!

 

ErinElizabeth I knew the moment that Erin gave me a hug at Influence this past October that she had the biggest heart for Christ. This girl is going to do amazing things for God in our generation.

About Erin in her own words: I’m a 20 something single gal who writes & blogs and I live in California. I love to encourage women to love God & I am currently authoring her first book aimed toward young women and living lives of purity! I have a special passion and heart to encourage young women to pursue a lifestyle of sexual purity & I often blog about dating, relationships, singleness and waiting. I love sunflowers & country music, lipstick & football, coffee & crafting. Oh, and I really like chai tea lattes.

 

The simplest way she honors her future husband: I’m a 20 something single gal who writes & blogs and I live in California. I love to encourage women to love God & I am currently authoring her first book aimed toward young women and living lives of purity! I have a special passion and heart to encourage young women to pursue a lifestyle of sexual purity & I often blog about dating, relationships, singleness and waiting. I love sunflowers & country music, lipstick & football, coffee & crafting. Oh, and I really like chai tea lattes.

 

Her hope for this month’s journey: I’m a 20 something single gal who writes & blogs and I live in California. I love to encourage women to love God & I am currently authoring her first book aimed toward young women and living lives of purity! I have a special passion and heart to encourage young women to pursue a lifestyle of sexual purity & I often blog about dating, relationships, singleness and waiting. I love sunflowers & country music, lipstick & football, coffee & crafting. Oh, and I really like chai tea lattes.

 

Find Erin sharing her heart over at Sweetness Itself, and follow her on Twitter too.

 

familia1 Christina and I found each other on Twitter(thank goodness for Twitter) and I’m so blessed that she’s joining us to share her perspective. I know her words and her heart will bless us all this month.

About Christina and her family: We’re a multicultural homeschooling family, blessed to be debt-free for 8+ years, which enables us to be location independent as self-employed creative solution specialists for small business. As such, we’re big fans of spontaneous travel, but do our best to live with a mindset of adventure in our everydays. Our desire is to encourage and inspire people in some way through our journey.

 

The simplest way she honors her husband: This might seem dumb, but I *really* enjoy flirting, so it has taken a conscious effort to develop the habit of honoring David by being careful in my interactions with other men in any and all situations.

 

Her Hope for this month’s journey: For many reasons it has always been a big struggle for me to honor my husband since the beginning of our marriage almost 9 years ago. One hope in sharing about this struggle is that it will maybe open some women’s eyes to ways they are hurting their husbands and marriages, and the other is that I will do a better job on some specifics – hopefully cementing more good habits in my own marriage.

Find Christina writing over at Tico and Tina, and follow them on Twitter.

 

Jac and Brian honeymoon And me – well you know all about me.

What is the simplest thing I do to honor Brian daily: I watch my words. I find there are a lot of opportunities to speak negatively about him when I’m having coffee dates with friends, but I watch my words. I don’t want people to get the wrong impression of Brian based on my words or based on me having a bad day.

My hope for this month’s journey: I want to become more aware of things that are instinctual but that might not be honoring to Brian. I want to have a bell go off in my head that questions my actions or my words. And I want to continue to be open and honest and let God shine through this journey. I want this journey to bring other wives closer to God and closer to their husbands.

 

We start back tomorrow, so be here! Come read what these amazing women have to say about their journey and how they are choosing to honor, even when some of them don’t even know their husbands yet.

 

You know the drill – it’s Friday so that means Coffee Date with Alissa from Rags to Stitches.

 

 

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February is here, and so is a new month for Godly Wife. You can grab the printable calendar as well as your desktop calendars below. And be sure to pop back Sunday to meet my co-hosts for February, and Monday to hear about Honor and what honor means to me and to Brian too.

 

 

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