When I was thinking of our focus for this month, and what honor really means in marriage, I could not get this verse out of my head.
She does him good, and not harm.
To me this means honor. To me this doesn’t mean physical harm, but any harm. Harm to his reputation, harm to his faith, harm to his sense of self.
To honor is to regard with great respect. A synonym of honor is to revere. To revere someone is to feel deep respect or admiration for them. For me that’s what I feel for Brian. I guess the big question is do I show him that?
Have you ever heard the saying – What you do when no one is looking defines who you are – I feel like this applies to honor in so many ways. It’s not just how I honor and show Brian respect when he’s around, but how I do it when he’s not around. It’s the words I use when I speak about him to others. It’s the tone I use in reference to him. It’s how I act and how I dress with him and without him that honor him or dishonor him.
I have spent a lot of my time reading a lot of different things in the past bit, parenting books and blogs, lots of craft stuff, and a lot of marriage books. Well one of the parenting blogs I was reading suggesting coming up with a working definition of Honor for your house. Immediately I thought of how I can do this for not just my house and my kids, but also for honoring Brian.
I honor Brian in practical every day ways by:
– Watching my words when I speak about him to others
– Respecting our home that he works hard to provide – keeping it clean, making note of what needs to be fixed and doing it if I can, helping him fix those things I can’t.
– By dressing appropriately when in public – being modest so I don’t draw unwanted attention
Watching my words: Have you ever noticed that sometime when you get together with your girlfriends it can become a crabfest about our husbands? I admit that in the past I’ve taken part, but in the last few years I’ve actually stopped hanging out with girls who seem to just want to degrade or complain about their husbands. But more than just girl time, but with everyone. What impression am I leaving my parents if all I do is use negative words to describe Brian or his actions? What about our neighbors? What about Brian’s co-workers and their spouses?
Respecting our home: I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but Brian loves a clean house. I think he’s most attracted to me when he comes home to a perfectly clean house! Lol. This is not a skill I came into our marriage with. So over the last 4+ years I have had to learn this skill, and I have, and now I’m almost to the point where a cluttered house bothers me almost as much as Brian. When we decided that I would stay home it was just an expectation that I would be responsible for the house and cleaning. Previously we split it up, or in the early years Brian would clean the house while I was out at the gym on Saturday mornings. Brian works hard to provide for our family, and that includes working hard to pay the mortgage. So one of the biggest things I can do for him is to show him honor and respect by respecting our home and keeping it clean and tidy. Is it possible to have a spotless house every day when he gets home? Not always – I do have a 2 year old running around (well a 19 month old before bedrest started), but Brian now sees that G can get toys from the toy box to the front door and all the way in between in 2 minutes flat. So I think he appreciates it a bit more. Do I do it every day, can I do it every day? Realistically – No. But I can make sure that the floor is swept and that the table has been wiped down after lunch and that dishes aren’t piling up in the kitchen. Because I know it’s important to him to come home to a clean home.
Dressing appropriately: This is one thing that I’ve really been convicted of especially since Grayson was born, and a bit before. Not that I dressed immodestly before Grayson was born, but I am very purposeful in my clothing choices since then. I’ve always asked Brian’s opinion of clothes before I bought them or before I wear them out because it’s important to me that he be proud of what I’m wearing. But what about when he’s not around? A friend and I were chatting this weekend about clothing, especially little girl clothing (we’re both having little girls this spring and we were going through baby girl clothes). We both agree on the clothing that our daughters will wear and that we as mom’s are the biggest influence on our daughter’s choices. And we both agreed that there are times when we’re out that we see women dressing in ways that we would prefer our daughters not look up to. Dressing modestly when Brian’s not around isn’t just about not gathering unwanted attention from other men, but also not having opinions of others reflect negatively on our husbands. The who married a girl that dresses like that? thoughts going through others heads. Is the way I’m dressing to run to Walmart on a hot summer day going to harm other’s thoughts of Brian? (this is such a big topic that one post can’t cover it all)
Three simple things that I can do almost instinctively on a daily basis have so much meaning behind them.
I created a free printable for you to download and write out your own working definition. 3 ways you can honor your husband in your everyday life. Make up your own definition of honor and how you can honor your husband. It can change as life changes. Erin and Nadine are honoring their future husbands in ways that will change once their married. So once they’re married I know that they’ll have to change their definition.
If you want share it with all of us. Leave it in the comments below.
Also let us know if you’re joining in this month. We’ll link up at the end of the month again, but let us know now so we can be praying for you all month long.