I think this is one of the biggest struggles we as wives can have with honor. Our words have such strength and we as wives hold such a place of authority when it comes to our husbands. Not authority over our husbands, but to the world we are experts on our husbands. When my mother in law needs ideas for Brian’s birthday or Christmas, who does she call; me. So If I’m the expert on everything that is Brian and I’m not watching my words, what impression am I giving the world as to who Brian really is? Am I honoring him with the words I use to describe him?
I’ve already mentioned the crabfests that we as women sometimes get caught in. This is one thing I’ve tried to keep myself away from, not just not taking part in them, but also not even allowing myself to get into a situation where they are common. Sometimes unintentionally, like my new stylist, I didn’t purposely choose a male stylist, but that’s who I see now, and guess what it’s not a crabfest like it has been in the past, in fact we talk more about business than anything else. I’ve been really purposeful who I have coffee dates with and who I’m spending my time with. Since I’ve made a conscious effort at limiting the crabbing, I’ve notice that the women I’m hanging out with are such a great example of supportive wives. Yes we all have our days, but I love the group of women I have around me and the level of respect we all have for our husbands.
Now the other side of things, not just my words about Brian but my words and language with Brian.
Am I stopping to really listen when he’s talking? Do I watch the tone I use when we’re talking? What does my body language say?
There have been times in the past, and I’m sure there will be again, that Brian will mention something with the intention and motive that maybe I just hadn’t noticed it yet, (like the fact that G put finger prints all over the patio doors again) and my tone or body language when responding to him is hostile, or taking offence because I feel like I’m being criticized. But really, Brian’s just mentioning it because he knows I’ve been busy and might not have noticed, and we have company on the weekend and he doesn’t want it to be a scramble two minutes before they walk in the door.
Was my tone or body language warranted? Heck no! But was I really listening to what he was saying and why he was saying it? Nope. Flip side – did Brian mention it when I’m elbow deep in dinner prep, maybe. Best time to mention it, maybe not.
We have a choice in our reactions and our responses. We can choose to snap and react negatively or with a tone that might make our husbands feel insignificant, or we can choose to thank them for the reminder and react with a positive attitude.
Our words have such strength. To the world we’re an extension of our husband’s character. We’re also an example to our children of how they should treat their father. How I speak to Brian and how I react to him, or talk about him when he’s not around is shaping how they will see him and how they will treat him.
Right now living out this is hard. I’m so limited in how much I can do and what I can do to help Brian. When he asks if I’m able to do something for him, the answer is usually maybe because I never know how I’m going to feel. I try my best to do the little things to help him out. I haven’t cleaned my house in months, and that’s driving me crazy, but since I can stand for 5 minutes or so at a time, that means I can at least clean the washroom. I can’t scrub the tub, but I can do the counters and sink, and although it’s not an expectation I know he appreciates it. I’m also trying to keep my pregnant hormonal emotions in check as much as I can. The days when I’m frustrated over my limitations or my pain, it’s not his fault, and it’s not fair for me to take it out on him. Do I fail miserable some days, goodness yes! Thanks goodness Brian is so forgiving.
This week I’m going to work on the little things. Watching my tone, stopping what I’m doing and really listening, and making sure that my body language is in line.
Here’s is this month’s lock screen! Sorry it’s taken so long to get it to you all.