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When I was thinking of our focus for this month, and what honor really means in marriage, I could not get this verse out of my head.

quote

 

She does him good, and not harm.

 

To me this means honor. To me this doesn’t mean physical harm, but any harm. Harm to his reputation, harm to his faith, harm to his sense of self.

To honor is to regard with great respect. A synonym of honor is to revere. To revere someone is to feel deep respect or admiration for them. For me that’s what I feel for Brian. I guess the big question is do I show him that?

Have you ever heard the saying – What you do when no one is looking defines who you are – I feel like this applies to honor in so many ways. It’s not just how I honor and show Brian respect when he’s around, but how I do it when he’s not around. It’s the words I use when I speak about him to others. It’s the tone I use in reference to him. It’s how I act and how I dress with him and without him that honor him or dishonor him.

I have spent a lot of my time reading a lot of different things in the past bit, parenting books and blogs, lots of craft stuff, and a lot of marriage books. Well one of the parenting blogs I was reading suggesting coming up with a working definition of Honor for your house. Immediately I thought of how I can do this for not just my house and my kids, but also for honoring Brian.

I honor Brian in practical every day ways by:

–          Watching my words when I speak about him to others

–          Respecting our home that he works hard to provide – keeping it clean, making note of what needs to be fixed and doing it if I can, helping him fix those things I can’t.

–          By dressing appropriately when in public – being modest so I don’t draw unwanted attention

Watching my words: Have you ever noticed that sometime when you get together with your girlfriends it can become a crabfest about our husbands? I admit that in the past I’ve taken part, but in the last few years I’ve actually stopped hanging out with girls who seem to just want to degrade or complain about their husbands. But more than just girl time, but with everyone. What impression am I leaving my parents if all I do is use negative words to describe Brian or his actions? What about our neighbors? What about Brian’s co-workers and their spouses?

Respecting our home: I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but Brian loves a clean house. I think he’s most attracted to me when he comes home to a perfectly clean house! Lol. This is not a skill I came into our marriage with. So over the last 4+ years I have had to learn this skill, and I have, and now I’m almost to the point where a cluttered house bothers me almost as much as Brian. When we decided that I would stay home it was just an expectation that I would be responsible for the house and cleaning. Previously we split it up, or in the early years Brian would clean the house while I was out at the gym on Saturday mornings. Brian works hard to provide for our family, and that includes working hard to pay the mortgage. So one of the biggest things I can do for him is to show him honor and respect by respecting our home and keeping it clean and tidy. Is it possible to have a spotless house every day when he gets home? Not always – I do have a 2 year old running around (well a 19 month old before bedrest started), but Brian now sees that G can get toys from the toy box to the front door and all the way in between in 2 minutes flat. So I think he appreciates it a bit more. Do I do it every day, can I do it every day? Realistically – No. But I can make sure that the floor is swept and that the table has been wiped down after lunch and that dishes aren’t piling up in the kitchen. Because I know it’s important to him to come home to a clean home.

Dressing appropriately: This is one thing that I’ve really been convicted of especially since Grayson was born, and a bit before. Not that I dressed immodestly before Grayson was born, but I am very purposeful in my clothing choices since then. I’ve always asked Brian’s opinion of clothes before I bought them or before I wear them out because it’s important to me that he be proud of what I’m wearing. But what about when he’s not around? A friend and I were chatting this weekend about clothing, especially little girl clothing (we’re both having little girls this spring and we were going through baby girl clothes). We both agree on the clothing that our daughters will wear and that we as mom’s are the biggest influence on our daughter’s choices. And we both agreed that there are times when we’re out that we see women dressing in ways that we would prefer our daughters not look up to. Dressing modestly when Brian’s not around isn’t just about not gathering unwanted attention from other men, but also not having opinions of others reflect negatively on our husbands. The who married a girl that dresses like that? thoughts going through others heads. Is the way I’m dressing to run to Walmart on a hot summer day going to harm other’s thoughts of Brian? (this is such a big topic that one post can’t cover it all)

Three simple things that I can do almost instinctively on a daily basis have so much meaning behind them.

I created a free printable for you to download and write out your own working definition. 3 ways you can honor your husband in your everyday life. Make up your own definition of honor and how you can honor your husband. It can change as life changes. Erin and Nadine are honoring their future husbands in ways that will change once their married. So once they’re married I know that they’ll have to change their definition.

If you want share it with all of us. Leave it in the comments below.

Also let us know if you’re joining in this month. We’ll link up at the end of the month again, but let us know now so we can be praying for you all month long.

 

Pop over and  read what Erin and Nadine have to say about honoring their future husbands.

 

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5 Responses to Goldy Wife: Honor

  1. Sarah says:

    I just discovered your blog by following a link over at sweetness itself. This series is brilliant & is something I've really been thinking about & concentrating on lately. I had been feeling myself slid into negative talks & thinking about my husband & have been working on SPEAKING & THINKING to & about him more like I would a friend… more forgiving, more patient, you know? I tend to get impatient with him quickly, so I'm working on that. My 3 things would be:

    Watching my words (including the ones just in my head too)
    Relying on him (not taking on every responsibility for myself, letting him share in household decisions, chores etc)
    Trusting his word (I mean more on the little things. I do trust him on the big things, but like, when he says he'll do something, I need to let him do it on his timeline & not get fed up & do it myself if he hasn't done it according to my arbitrary timeline)

    I totally feel like I should do a post on this & link up with you later this month 🙂 So glad I found your blog!

    • So glad you found us Sarah! Even after 9 months of prep work for this series, God is still teaching me new things every day! Can't wait to hear about your month and all the things you're learning. And I feel you on the timelines – lol – I always double Brian's timeline in my head. Helps me be more patient when he takes longer than he says. lol.

      blessings!!

  2. @Mandi411 says:

    I was so excited to have discovered you, that I plugged you over at All My Happy Endings. Love love LOVE this post — thanks for sharing! http://allmyhappyendings.blogspot.com/2013/02/blo

  3. Sarah [NurseLovesFarmer.com] says:

    Even before you wrote it…I was thinking "I have to respect Jay by watching what I say about him". I think we're all human and need to "vent" once in awhile…but I've learned there's literally only 2 people in the world I trust won't really judge me for what I say about Jay in a moment of weakness or frustration. But before I learned that valuable lesson, I'd get certain people jumping on my venting bandwagon which only made the situation worse and made me feel awful for venting in the first place…because then I assumed people felt the same I did…which isn't truly how I felt about my husband!

    As far as how I dress….I'm not a sexy dresser. And if I ever do dress sexy and bare more cleavage (heck, any cleavage!) it's only for my husband when we're on vacation…just the 2 of us! Great post, Jac!

  4. Hannah says:

    This is such an important topic… we live in a culture that is sliding further away from any definition of honor and respect towards men and these attitudes can creep into our hearts without us hardly noticing it. I find that when I am aware of just how much negative thinking towards men goes on around me, it helps me to be on guard and not give in to it myself. It is too easy in a conversation where someone is doing the typical… "Ah men… they are so….." to just nod my head and go along with it. When I think about it afterwards, I really don't feel that way in my heart at all… I actually love my husband and so many of the ways he is different from me. If we as Christian women, can make it a point to go through life with honor on our tongues, surely others will notice.
    Thanks for making me think, Jac. 🙂

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